Knights Of Sparta

YNGR 4

Yuletide Naked Gnome Race 4

27th December 2011

So it was that cold, snowy time of year again, and time for rolling a few little gnomes, making them strip off their clothes, and run for their lives to some unknown destination. I actually thought this was the third such race until Leolass corrected me. Just to spice things up, I wasn’t expecting to be the organiser, but due to unforeseen circumstances Leolass had to suddenly leave the house, and so the event was left in the hands of a particularly mischievous mage, Mandelbrot.

We had six contenders as follows:

Tamsklet (Tamsk)
Tordengnome (Tordenilden)
Woodwyrm (Wyrmwood)
Lillsati (Sativana)
Littledantii (Dantii)
Filaimi (Daimi)

So we had less gnomes that usual, due to a combination of factors, not least of which was the race being a little later in the year than usual (typically we try to do this race the week before Christmas). However, fun was still had, and it started with a surprise for our newly rolled gnomes sat waiting for the race to begin in Gnomeragan. They found themselves summoned to a far less cosy venue i.e. the back door bridge of Karazhan.



Their mission; to find their way home – to Gnomeragan.

I decided to put the six little people into three pairs. The teams were:

Tordengnome & Lillsati
Littledantii & Woodwyrm
Tamslet & Filaimi

They all set off down the numerous decaying stair ways of Karazhan and out into the dangerous lands of Deadwind Pass. Unlike previous years, the most dangerous part of the race would come first. And so it proved to be. Tamsklet was first to escape the front of Karazhan, rounded the corner and dashed hopefully past an Ogre who seemed to be too busy to notice him. Wrong! And Zap! One toasted gnome slightly well done. I watched the same Ogre claim several gnomish lives, the Ogre’s ate well that night. Although some how Woodwyrm got past that particular Ogre (perhaps he doesn’t like invertaebrates).

All the gnomes planned to escape Deadwind Pass to the North, then head West into the less dangerous (although undoubtedly still fatal) Duskwood. That was until Tamsklet announced he’d devised an alternative ‘escape route’. Instead he headed East out of Deathwind Pass, and into the Swamp of Sorrows (are you totally out of your mind?!). Apparently he wanted a look at the Dark Portal in the Blasted Lands!

Whilst Tamsklet and Filaimi made steady progress through the Deadwind Pass, the other teams were struggling a little bit with the Ogres and Vultures. About 10 minutes into the event I saw Lillsati make a long run away from the Ogres into the territory of the Vultures – what would she do now? Apparently she decided death was certain and chose to accept it nonchalantly reading her map. One minute the little gnome was opening her map, and the next she was torn limb from limb. Her partner Tordengnome however was being used as a football by the Ogres – he just couldn’t seem to escape them.

Woodwyrm and Littledantii were the first to escape Deadwind Pass via the West path, but not before an Olympic effort by Littledantii to out run, not one, but seven spiders, had final ended badly. It was an excellent effort though, and I’m not at all sure how she managed to stay alive with those spiders on her heals for so long.

However whilst Littledantii and the invertebrate patted themselves on the back having escaped Deadwind Pass, the Tamslet / Filaimi crazy plan to head into the more dangerous lands to the East looked like it just might pay off. They had cleared the Swamp of Sorrows already in double quick time and were entering the Blasted Lands, with talk of some special portal to Stormwind near the stairs of the Dark Portal! Very clever little gnomes, but you still have to brave the ferocious beasts of the Blasted Lands (mwa ha ha).

About quarter of an hour into the race, and Littledantii was doing well and was mid-way through Elwynn Forest. The worst of the race was over for her, although Woodwyrm was lagging behind a little and my map had him still trying to escape Duskwood. Lillsati reached Elwynn only a couple of minutes later, but again the map revealed her teammate was also lagging behind . . . way behind . . surely Tordengnome can’t really still be in Deadwind Pass after almost 20 minutes can he?! Apparently the Ogre football game was in deadlock and a ‘next goal wins’ ruling had been made. However the score after 90 minutes had been 0-0, so a next goal wins scenario didn’t guarantee a conclusion to their gnome soccer any time soon.

At about the same time Tamsklet announced it was time to make a drink and put his feet up waiting for the tram. But might his over confidence be his downfall? Filaimi and Littledantii were closing in on Stormwind as well.

Just as Tamsklet was running down the slope at the front of Ironforge, Littledantii announced she had DC’d. Having run all the way to the tram, she reconnected to find she was still in Elwynn Forest, hich had to make one wonder if the Tamsklet / Filaimi team was being sponsored by Richard Branson! So Filaimi had made it to Stormwind in time for the tram, but Littledantii had missed it and would have to wait for another (that is after running through Elwynn Forest a second time). It did however give her team mate Woodwyrm a chance to catch up, and he too was now running through Elwynn Forest, with the towers of Stormwind visible in the distance.

At about the 25 minute mark, Woodwyrm arrived in Stormwind and boarded a tram, but without his team mate Littledantii who had DC’d again! Despite their efforts though it was looking like Tamslet’s lead was insurmountable – he was entering Gnomeragan. The final test was to find Mandelbrot who was hiding himself in there. Meanwhile Tordengnome and Lillsati were still in Duskwood. It had been a hard day for those little gnomes. But at least with gold being paid to the top three places, and only three teams entered, they were guaranteed a pay out if they only finished the race. On they marched in the gloomy light of Duskwood.

At 8:33, approximately half an hour after the start, Tamsklet found Mandelbrot and claimed first place. His teammate Filaimi wasn’t far behind running through Dun Morogh, and Wyrmwood was exiting the front of Ironforge. However poor Littledantii had been going backwards and forwards on the tram between Stormwind and Ironforge, because of numerous DC’s that were not letting her get off the tram. On a positive note, Lillsati and Tordengnome had reached the relative safety of the green woodlands of Elwynn.

One by one the gnomes arrived at their destination. The order of arrival and the finish times were as follows:

8:33 Tamsklet
8:37 Filaimi
8:39 Woodwyrm
8:47 Littledantii
8:50 Lillsati & Tordengnome

Congratuations to all our gnomes, who all received a pay-out from the Guild bank as follows:

Winner! Tamsklet & Filiami 1,000g each
2nd place Woodwyrm & Littledantii 500g each
3rd place Lillsati & Tordengnome 250g each

Thanks to everyone who participated. I plan to run additional fun events next year and hope for a better turn out once Christmas is over and the newer members have actually found this website!